So over, we need a new word for over

Hopefully, anyway. So, I think I'm over him. He's kind of a selfish child, when I think about it. Do you know the term "damning by indifference?" Well, yeah. Could have used some actual help, rather than misplaced, mistimed, nonsense. And stop asking for favors!

kicking ass and taking names

So, Rob is moving back home already. Turns out the girl he went to Ireland for is a complete psycho. Suffice it to say, Rob moved into a hostel, is traveling around Ireland a bit, and then heading home to start, as he says, "real life." Bully for him! I'm glad he's having a life changing experience, though.

As for me, I'm stretched to the limit, but I keep taking on more. Can't help it. There's so much I want to do! Starting a student journal (that's the biggie), researching, writing, classes, teaching, studio, running student council, and dealing with a giant adult baby. But don't worry - I'm kicking ass and taking names, so I'll come out on top - never fear. I'm making a name for myself, and that will hopefully follow me through my career. We shall see what the future holds...

Missing

Well, my little brother moved to Dublin today. I haven't seen him since last Christmas, and now I'm not likely to see him for a long time. I'm really happy for him that he's found some direction in his life - at least to the point where he's recognized that he wasn't happy and needed a change. But, I'm really sad that I didn't get to see him before he left. I miss him terribly, and it just sucks all around that we can't be within visiting distance of each other. I know he's going to have an amazing experience, and I wish him so much love and fun. But I'm selfish, really. I just wish we'd gotten a chance to visit - my mom got to see him, my dad did too... I don't know. Something about this school year so far is off for me, and this is only highlighting it. I have a bad attitude about classes, and I'm not sure what that's about. I wish I knew...

Again?!?!

Gosh, I know this is a tedious subject, but clearly it's on my mind. Why does he make me so Daisy Duck when he's around? I just act like a cartoon version of a female. It's so bad! He's on my mind all the time, and I can't help it. Right now, I should be doing work. LOTS of work, but I can't help wondering what he's doing right now... Sigh. I'm a dithering idiot with a shut-down eHarmony account. All other distractions aside, I just don't have time to deal with these guys. One guy turned me down because I'm "too successful educationally" for him; another guy (who is 27, mind you) turned me down for being too old (30 is OLD?!?!). It just takes too much effort. I guess there's time for dating when I graduate. My mom will get her wish, though. I'm not likely to have any real partner-prospects by the time I graduate, and I told her if I didn't have any, I'd have a kid on my own, so she'd get her precious grandchildren (not that I don't want kids, myself). Anyhoo, I guess I'll end up a single parent after all. Meh. I can do it.

Architecture is dead

Dear Jeffrey, (I learned you hate the way American's shorten names)

I've been thinking a lot about what you said in class that Architecture is a "field that's dead." In thinking about this, I've made a couple of assumptions, of which you can feel free to disabuse me. (1) that "architecture" and "the field of architecture" are one and the same. (2) if architecture is dead, then it has no future. I can't disagree or agree with you, because I don't know enough about it, but I find it a curious position for you to take. It seems very cynical, and you don't seem like a cynical person. In fact, you seem like one of the only people I've met through my architectural education that seems to LIKE architecture. In your descriptions of architecture, you start from what's good. I find that refreshing. Everyone else seems to start from what's horrible, and, as you pointed out, what does that really get us, in the end? Not too much to work with. With this background in mind, it just makes your statement all the more confusing. If you believe architecture is dead, then why teach architecture? Change fields, as you so easily tell us, to something that DOES have a future. Moreover, to continue teaching a field that you believe has no future is to conspire to perpetrate a fraud upon thousands of students, don't you think? Why let them believe that they are studying something with a future? I suppose part of your answer to that might be that you TELL us straight out that it has no future, but that seems a cop-out, since we've already paid and shown up for classes. Should we be seeking our money back from the administration for that failure as well? I hope you don't think I'm being insolent or insulting. I certainly mean no disrespect. I simply am trying to process your statement, and thought you might be able to help. Turning to architecture was an extremely personal decision for me - probably the first important decision I've ever made JUST for me. So you can see why I might have a lot invested in my education this time around. I know your time is exceedingly limited, but I would appreciate any comments you might have - even if it's in the form of public ridicule in class. I'm at a point in my life where it isn't going to hurt my feelings if you call me out on this. Anyway, I hope your travels are safe this week, and I'll see you on Friday. Thanks so much!

--Renee L. Ripley, Esq. (haha)

Can't sleep

Can't eat. I'm nervous all the time again. And here I thought I'd be able to relax a little more this year. I'm tired, and I have a ton of work, and my mind is drifting at odd times and in odd ways. It is great, but it totally sucks.

No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior

So, dinner last night. I was pretty much too nervous to eat anything, but I managed to get a couple of glasses of wine in. Oh gosh. I can't tell whether my self-esteem is too low (in which case I'd say it's not that he's into me, he's just a big flirt), or too high (in which case I'd say he's the moth to my flame). All I know is that I've been avoiding him, but he's been finding me. And then asking me out to dinnerl. It's so unfair how ridiculously good looking he is. Sigh. What am I doing to myself?